An entire year.
Well, I think it’s time I reflected on this again.
I never wanted to say good bye.
The anger faded away. That’s a good thing. I don’t think the sadness ever disappeared though. The sadness has been diluted, but I don’t think it will ever go away. I don’t think I will ever understand “why” either, but there are many, many times where you would ask “why?” and nothing would answer you except for the unnerving silence. I gave up on “why” a long time ago. There are many “ifs” as well. “Ifs” make you very sentimental. They leave you longing for what could have been and a heart full of regrets. I don’t look at the “ifs” much anymore, but sometimes they come to visit me, and leave me in a dejected mood.
Do I feel alone anymore… well, no, not really. But there are so many times, so many I couldn’t begin to tell you, where I sank deep into myself and peered out at everyone, and everyone looked like a stranger to me. And then at other times I completely forget and open my arms for anyone willing. It’s a cycle. Maybe it’s a necessary cycle though…maybe it’s a way for me to get reality checks and have a balance if I experience both sides.
I’ve spent a long time wondering what was wrong with me. And I think that there is nothing unusual about myself. I have flaws, just like every single person. But when I give you my love and care, I give you my all. So no matter how sad I feel if someone decides to leave me behind, I need to remember they left something else behind as well: someone that was willing to love them unconditionally, forever.
I believe that if there is enough common ground between two people, they CAN be a success…but only if both are willing to communicate thoroughly and give their best efforts. Once the balance is tipped, it is so easy to fall out of it. And obviously, it is very difficult because there are so few people out there that have found their balance. So many failures left and right. It discourages me, but I hope sometime before I die, I can truly be happy. Please.