Hmm, why is it that I don’t feel like I belong…again? Like I don’t really belong anywhere, and I don’t have a group, or even more than a couple, of close friends. Everybody feels like a stranger to me. I don’t know if it’s because I’m being shunned or if it’s my fault or what have you.
I wonder if it’ll be the same in college.
High school is almost over, and I don’t feel accomplished at all. I mean, with my high school career, I feel like I have done a lot and my academic record is pretty awesome. But even with my record I was not able to get into Scripps. However, I am hoping UCI will become my new home.
Besides that, people have grown close to me, and grown distant from me, and in the end it stays that way. Any stable relationship I had in the past no longer exists. It might be a good thing, since otherwise it would have been hard to move on to college and see people leave, but sometimes I wonder if being apathetic could truly be better than having a memorable time in high school.
There are some things I still cry about. One thing in particular, even though it’s been like two years. And then after I cry, I feel dirty because it’s something I should not dwell upon. It’s not like I try to…but I guess I wasn’t exaggerating when I said I would never be the same again.
High school is just not for me.
Of course, there have been at least two teachers who said they hated high school with a passion and loved college to death. And now as my teachers, I think they are awesome people. So maybe there’s hope for me.
For now, there’s only one person I love and he’s the only person who makes me feel not so lonely.