You know when you’ve been away from blogging for a certain period of time (long or short), and after this period you just don’t know where to begin? I feel that way frequently…especially after something so serious that happened to us recently… and this time is no different! I know writing something that long and emotional probably scared away a lot of visitors (I don’t blame ’em), but for the kind people who reached out to me with comforting words, it really was touching and I really appreciated it. Sometimes a few words can really make you feel less lonely and sad, you know?
Before that ordeal happened, I had so much to write about. It being summer vacation and all (which is coming to an end soon), I did so many things and had so much writing to catch up on. After my dad’s unemployment and my family’s constant quarreling, it just built up an immediate writer’s block for me and I didn’t feel interested in writing all that I had planned anymore. I can’t believe it’s been 18 days already since I last wrote! I figured now is the best time to try to write once more. A foot in the door is usually the hardest part…the rest usually follows naturally and easily. I think the more emotional bits might be reserved for private postings…but putting that aside, I have a lot of posts that I will write and publish that are entirely unrelated.
It feels really weird, and weird is the best word I can use right now to describe how I’m feeling. One moment I will be out doing something fun with my boyfriend – he really makes me forget everything bad – but another moment I’m reminded of how bad our situation might turn into. I wake up almost every morning to arguing downstairs. It’s hard to find a balance in your life, especially when you’re just the “kid” of the family. How much should you devote to your college education, along with your family’s money issues (along with your own), the disintegrating relationship between your family members, and just enjoying the simple things you used to enjoy? Whenever I go out to have a bit of fun, I feel guilty. Really guilty.
I’m trying really hard not to feel guilty when I just enjoy the normal things that normal people do. So, I’m not going to let my blog die because of the stuff that has gone down. It’s okay for me to be happy even at a time like this. Things could be much worse. I’m going to start writing the stuff I was supposed to write a while ago…if I can remember them all.
I guess I’ll begin now. Today my family (Mom, brother, aunt, two cousins, and I. This excludes both of our family’s fathers since they weren’t interested in this sort of thing) went to see a play: Pride and Prejudice. My mom got us the tickets for free because one of her kind clients from work gave her the tickets. My goal was to finish the novel by the time we watched the play, but I started reading it a bit too late and only got halfway. It was still useful though, because I could instantly recognize the lines directly from the book, and I was already introduced to each character through my reading. I definitely plan to finish the novel, by the way.
The play was actually very enjoyable! I didn’t have too many expectations. I was just happy to spend some time with my family at a special event. The actors and actresses were very good, and some very tall might I add. Their speaking was exceptional because they didn’t have any microphones, but their very swift words were crystal clear, very well enunciated, and full of gusto. My favorite actors were the ones playing ridiculous characters, such as Mrs. Bennet or Mr. Collins. They delivered really well and really nailed their characters. It was very obvious they were talented actors and worked very hard. Imagine doing that every night’s show! They must be dreadfully tired. I’m glad my family got to watch the play together.
On a side note, I used to be in love with theater and drama (and choir). It used to be my dream, being up on stage in broadway shows! I had a small bit of lime light in middle school and high school in choir, musical theatre, and various plays, but that’s as far as it went. It’s natural to think of “what could have been” but ultimately I enjoyed everything and don’t have much regret…hopefully!