I just wanted to mention that, while reading some of my old blog posts that are eight years old… I came across some hilarious stuff. It’s crazy how I mentioned some names back then that I have no recollection of anymore. If I rack my brain really hard I can remember them vaguely, but some people I am drawing total blanks on.
First on the list: I totally understand where I was coming from, but using age as a justification is just hilarious now. “Oh my goodness, I’m 14 years old now,” is funny enough to make any reasonable justification into an invalid one. The older I get, the less I want to use my age as a justification for anything since I feel so inexperienced and baby-like.
Another one: When I was 14, my mom told me she was bothered by me flirting with my friends. I had told her, “It doesn’t mean anything, I love all my friends.” Hahaha. Now as a 22 year old I can see how that statement is concerning to a parent, but as a 14 year old, I really had no bad intentions behind it. I really did like being friendly to everyone but I had no other motive behind it. Now I am definitely careful on how friendly I am to whom because it can be tacky and/or attract unwarranted attention.
Next and last on the weird crap of my teenage days: The relationship with my first boyfriend (J.) before we actually went out was creepy as hell! You know how as an adult, you expect the courting ritual to be sweet and civilized? Well, a young teenage boy’s idea of “sweet” can be damn creepy. At the time I was put in very uncomfortable situations and I knew I was being pressured by ALL of my peers. BUT! Now that I’m 22 vs. 14 I can see how really creepy it was.
Every time I got out of class, J. would be there waiting for me (I did not tell him my schedule). Before we got together, he had me as his cell phone wall paper. Another hilarious thing I wrote in my blog was, “That’s kinda creepy…that must mean he stares at me while I’m staring at my pen.” I wrote that because one day J. informed me that I like to stare at my pen in class – well geez, my eyes gotta focus on somewhere while I listen intently to the teacher. LOL. It reminds me of that one “yo dawg” meme – here’s my own rendition. A really bad one I must warn you.
I also wrote that I wished his best friend would speak to me as a friend instead of interrogating me about whether or not I liked J. every time he saw me. After a month, I wrote that this business was taking over my mind like I was brainwashed. Jesus, I really was.
One of my friends was using my computer once and I was on invisible mode on aim. It freaked us out when J. just messaged me all of a sudden saying, “I really want to go out with you,” and then signed off. Uhhh. To be honest, I did feel really creeped out, pressured, and even stalked sometimes. But all of my friends and peers really wanted to see us together so it was like everything revolved about me and J. Eventually I just gave in to it all. My goodness. It’s no lie when they say kids can really use peer pressure.
I don’t regret it at all – he became my boyfriend of two years, he made me the happiest I’d ever been, he kept me sane when times were tough, he became my meaning in life, and he ended up being the very same guy who broke it off with me out of the blue and I wanted to commit suicide afterwards. Then over a really slow period (like 4 years) I didn’t have to feel like crying when I thought about him and I grew into a stronger, more mature person. Holy friggen moly. I think of myself as a boring person, but when I recap my youth like that in two sentences, it doesn’t seem too boring, haha.