Eye Contact and Blushing
I've always had trouble with eye contact.
Eye Contact: an event when two people look at each other's eyes at the same time. It is a form of nonverbal communication and has a large influence on social behavior. Frequency and interpretation of eye contact vary between cultures and species. Eye aversion is the avoidance of eye contact. Wikipedia.org
When I was younger and also in the not so distant past, I didn't like looking at people straight in the eye. I felt too shy and I felt a lot of nervousness/anxiety if I made too much eye contact. I think sometimes I would even blush if I made eye contact with people (it didn't matter how old or what gender they were). Then I started realizing that eye contact (at least in American culture) is extremely important. Interview? Definitely need to have eye contact. Meeting new people? Gotta have it. Asking someone a question? Should have it. Etc. Without eye contact, people might think you don't respect them, don't have enough interest in them, or are obviously too shy and not suitable for the job (or whatever else that requires some friendliness and boldness). So I kind of made it a silent goal in my head to make more eye contact with people (and hopefully not blush as much!).
Somewhere along the way, I definitely improved while meeting or talking to people. However, even at this point I still had some trouble. I got pretty good and to the point where I could look a person straight in the eyes for however long they would talk. But then I realized that most people don't prefer hardcore eye contact (unless you're like, proposing or something, haha). They prefer to make eye contact and then break it off and then glance back occasionally. Then at other times with other people, I can't look into their eyes for too long or else I get uncomfortable and I have to look away a lot.
Nowadays, it still kind of makes me nervous when I'm quietly listening to a lecture and the teacher locks their eyes with mine for some very long seconds. lol. I wonder why that is. Maybe teachers just make me nervous in general? haha.
Blushing—I blush a lot! I don't know, I blush at almost everything. I had a huge problem with this when I was younger. If I had to present in front of a classroom, I would burn up. Or if I was talking to a boy, I would turn red too (which was weird because it wasn't as if I was infatuated or even uncomfortable with any of them).
As for today, I blush when a teacher somehow points me out in front of everyone in the classroom. I hate drawing attention towards myself. And obviously, I'll blush at anything remotely embarrassing.
I dunno. I always made mental notes about this stuff in my mind but I guess today I wanted to write it out. It's surprising how I write about really random topics sometimes.
August 6th, 2007 at 6:41 am
I like to stare at my professors while they're giving lectures, especially when it's a boring class. It's something to do, heh ^^
August 6th, 2007 at 9:41 pm
I used to be embarassed with eye contact too. If someone make eye contact with me I just turn away. But now it's different since I know it's very important in communicating with the world. And I think hardcore eye contact may make the person you are talking to think that you have a special feeling for him :smile: .
August 6th, 2007 at 10:22 pm
Yeah, I was the same way. I never looked people in the eyes, but I guess I made a subconscious effort to change that and it comes naturally to me now. But I still blush like crazy. And it's horrible isn't it? I hate that feeling. Cold water on your cheeks helps, if you have the opportunity. I still blush at work sometimes though when I'm talking to unfamiliar people. I wonder why that is… :) Glad I'm not the only one though.
April 25th, 2008 at 5:08 pm
I enjoyed your article. Thanks for sharing your experiences.
I used to make strong eye contact with boys that I was trying to attract. I didn't realize that they would interpret it as a sexual come-on. I was too young to care about *** and have never really had a very strong interest in it. But I had more than one boy tell me that I had "bedroom eyes" or, worse, "f**k me eyes". After those comments, and after going through many violent abuses in my earlier years, I have a great deal of trouble maintaining eye contact with anyone. It's almost as if I believe they can feel my shame and see the abuse I've gone through. I know that at a soul level, they probably can. It's funny, I don't have this problem with everyone. I'm not sure what the difference is in the people that I can look at and those that I cannot. Actually, now that I think of it, I believe it may be that I can make eye contact with women, but not men, because I believe that men will perceive it as sexual interest. This includes my husband of five years, believe it or not! People say I have pretty eyes. I think men don't realize that my eyes look like this all the time, not just when I'm looking at them! lol. Thanks for helping me figure it out!
December 17th, 2008 at 10:35 am
Hi, i think i share the same trait as you – blushing at nervous events! ps: i'm a guy, and that makes it worst! Even laughing and smiling would sometimes make my face go RED! Its nice to know someone out there who is like me though. :)
December 22nd, 2008 at 5:32 pm
Hehe im like you too…. i blush for no reason sometimes… hate eye contact too but i make it only when i need to…
January 8th, 2009 at 9:55 pm
Hi, i also feared eye contact once. During the time of lectures i felt so embarassed to make eye contact with the lecturers.. haha..
but after knowing its importance and practising a lot iv mastered in eye contact.. now i can convey my desired message through my eyes at the time of conversation without speaking a word.
i was surprised to see the change in myself.
It has been possible due to my high self esteem. if u love urself, u dont fear any1.
January 16th, 2009 at 3:43 am
:lol: wow u guys r rockkkk :razz:
nice to know that somebodies are like me. blushing girl :oops:
March 30th, 2009 at 9:50 am
good to know theres someone else like me out there :oops:
i mean, i dont like ey contact with most people, but only around some boys if i keep eye contact for too long my face will burn up, lol, and its really embarrasing
April 12th, 2009 at 2:09 am
I still have this problem, I can't look at anyone for more than 3 sec. without having to break away…help
July 11th, 2009 at 10:11 am
# randomblah says:
April 12th, 2009 at 2:09 am
I still have this problem, I can't look at anyone for more than 3 sec. without having to break away…help,
that can sometimes mean tht yu are consous (however yu spell it)
or have something to hide
or maybe yu just needmore confidence
July 31st, 2009 at 10:57 am
wel the problems that this matter creates are many…bt i m dissapointed as u guys jus hav difficulties only in maintaining an eye contact…i hav an additional drawback of being unable to walk,talk,drive or even eat if anyone,even my good friends have their presence around me…how wud i live my life…?
August 16th, 2009 at 7:46 am
it is really a good experience.i always feel shy while standing infront of many people(especial when i recite my lessons).i may be feel better when i display my topic in class tomorrow.thank you very much. ;-)
September 10th, 2009 at 11:59 pm
it's better knowing that someone else's having the same problem as mine. maybe I can gain more confidence from this
It's weird I don't remember having this problem when I was younger. I think it started when I begin to lose confidence in front of people. I've been practising but everytime I look into ppl's eyes I just forget what I was gonna say, and then I make awkward silence which is the most uncomfortable thing.
November 10th, 2009 at 9:08 pm
Thank you for taking the time to write your thoughts and experience(s). I too have struggled with eye contact in my younger years as well as the last several years. I endured abuse as a child and I believe that it manifested itself as low self-esteem and subsequently through my eye contact. I dealt with the abuse and worked at growing my self-esteem and gained back the comfort of eye contact. It turned out I didn't fully deal with the past because I ended up marrying a controlling man in my first marriage. I joined the military and had a drill sergeant in basic training that threatened the uniform code of military justice on us if we made eye contact with him. Being able to look my leader in the eye, especially being that we were on the same team meant a lot to me and for two months, breaking that humanistic connection really caused a scar. It didn't help that back home, a man entrusted with my life's work, savings, and relationships was beginning to intensly manipulate me to feed his growing addiction to pornography and alcohol (no longer married to him now) and the mail I looked forward to so despirately from him only turned out to be obscene pictures and notes saying that he couldn't go on without me. I felt violated on a daily basis because of that struggling soul. I've been struggling with eye contact ever since (six years ago). I find myself overcompensating and staring people in the eyes much too intensly, deeply, or too long and not realizing it until I see the person backing away, looking away while slowing their speech, or loosing track of what they were talking about. I've been overcoming post traumatic stress from that previous marriage and I believe that my anxiety shows through and at times I have felt too that people could see all the abuse I experienced just by looking at my eyes or my body language. While on the road to recovery, I have found your entry and the comments to be very helpful. Thanks. I am going to think more with my eyes and I know its true because I remember it, that when you love yourself, you really arent' afraid of anyone.
January 22nd, 2010 at 7:25 pm
Thank you for this wonderful pose. I'm usually afraid of eye contact with people i dont know. Im afraid that they are judging me secretly, so I avoid it. Usually I can maintain good eye contact with closer friends, but sometimes I forget. Its hard because I find it intense to lock eyes with the girls that show interest in me, but after reading this post, I feel much better.