Category : Relationships

4 posts

It’s my last night in my lonesome apartment in Lemoore and I’m feeling a little overwhelmed with emotions.

It was lonely at first living in my first apartment alone, in a town where I knew absolutely nobody and I was 300 miles away from friends and family. It was nice being able to have everything reachable in my apartment within a few footsteps since it was just me in a 1 bedroom! I would take a shower, and walk around in my apartment naked while brushing my teeth and preparing breakfast. LOL.

Yesterday I said good bye to Cliff. I honestly didn’t expect to feel such overwhelming sadness, but I started crying when he was trying to say good bye to me, and I just broke down after he left. I don’t think I ever fell in love with him, but I definitely cared about him a lot. I had always known from the beginning it was just for a short-term connection and we’d go our separate ways in a few short months. I thought I’d be completely fine but when the end came, I was overwhelmingly sad. He’s not very good at communicating and he’s got his life here while I’ve got my life in Orange County and we are both pretty set on that, so I don’t think I’ll be talking to or seeing him ever again. But, I am grateful for the memories we shared here and grateful for what we had, making my experience in Lemoore a new, warm, and temporary home for me at the time.

I also felt sad about it being my last day working at the naval air force base, at the hospital. The attending doctors, the staff, the patients, the corpsmen, the technicans – I loved them all and will miss them a lot. It was the best externship/rotation I had out of all the locations I had been to over the last year of optometry school.

I felt sad reflecting on Part 1 of my boards exam; I didn’t pass. It’s going to hold me back almost half a year since I have to study and wait to retake the exam before I can work as a doctor. I’ve come this far, I know I can do it, and I can’t let go of my dreams now.

I felt sad reflecting about my past love and longstanding, intense sorrow for Mart. I’ve wanted to reach out to him again for half a year now. I let myself wait on it so that I could focus on what had to be done. I thought about reaching out to him once I neared graduation, but now after finding out I still need to tackle my boards exam again, I don’t think it’s the right time to let myself get caught up in the spiral of depression again. It’s a very sad thing when he was the light of my life and was the very thing that kept me going during grad school, and things made such a dark turn that I’ve battled against so much afterwards and will soon walk at graduation without him there.

This is just another beginning for me. There is so much more hardship to come, so much more I need to do. And hopefully I can find some happiness someday, too. For now, I’ll finish packing up what’s left in my nearly empty apartment, and move back home to continue the journey forward.

I’ve been struggling with my breakup for over a year now.

When it first happened, it was right before the holidays (Thanksgiving, my birthday, Christmas). It was a world of pain, but then I fell numb. I magically didn’t feel the pain that I thought would last a lifetime. One year later – same time, same place (I’m back home from Arizona for winter break) – I can feel everything. All the heartache, all the nostalgia, all the emotions. Everything. I was definitely in my numb stage of denial last year.

One of the things I learned was that people constantly come and go within your lifetime. There are special people who become apart of your life and will disappear from it at one point or another. I no longer felt bitter about friendships that unnecessarily faded away. I grew to wholeheartedly accept that concept sometime in my mid-twenties, but it was extremely difficult for me when I finally also had to apply that to my 9 year (four months away from 10 year) relationship.

This was someone I had grown up with. We raised each other up from our awkward high school days, our blossoming college days, and our adulthood post-grad. We had countless obstacles that were meant to tear us apart, but time and time again, we chose each other and fought to stay together. We developed a friendship and a love that still left butterflies in my stomach as if we were on our first date. I gave him a decade’s worth of patience, nurturing, and love.

This past year was a lot of up and downs for us. We gravitated back to each other and tried to make it work. In September, we talked about very heavy and important topics. He told me he needed time to think before giving me an appropriate response. A month passed by, and I received nothing. I had to leave to Arizona for my externship and he knew that. So, I reached out to him, desperately searching for an answer. My message was received in silence. I tried, again, and again. Three months of desperately searching for answer, for closure, and I could only receive silence.

This year was the first year I did not spend my birthday with him, and the second year I did not spend Christmas with him. I spent Christmas crying, thinking about everything that I had loved and missed. Late at night, I see a Christmas photo of him, a cute couple photo, with a girl who looks very familiar to me, and this answers all of my questions.

It’s one of those photos that you wish you didn’t see but are also grateful you did. It let me know that he is not worth my time even though I will spend a long time in heartache. It is much harder getting over someone you love and saw so much potential in. It’s easier – or so I hope – getting over someone you realize was heartless and had no courage to be upfront with you.

I felt this type of heartbreak when I was 16. At 28 I am a fully-grown woman and I still feel like a child sobbing in bed. Some things change, and some things don’t. Merry Christmas…

I’ve always liked Valentine’s Day even when I was single because I would get excited over making cards and giving out candy to my friends. So you can imagine I like to make my boo feel special on Valentine’s Day. Better yet, V-Day is our anniversary, haha. This year it was our 6 year anniversary. It has not been as easy as a slice of pie for us all of this time, but maybe that makes it all even better. Anyway, we enjoy sharing our anniversary celebration with all the other couples out there for V-Day, so it’s not a problem for us. ^_^

My gifts for him

Although I did draw and color the Jake & Lady Rainicorn (from Adventure Time) picture myself, I don’t take credit for the idea of the picture itself. My boyfriend and I love Adventure Time. It is the best cartoon ever! It is intended for kids but there is so much quirkiness, hilarious innuendos, and wonderful story telling that I can proudly say it’s one of my favorite shows. Anyway, since we love the show and made it a pasttime to watch the show together, I thought it’d be cute to make a Jake plushie and a handmade Adventure Time Valentine card. It really brought memories back making that childish Valentine card. The old days of making handemade cards for your classmates and the strong scent of crayons. I remember him wanting a dog tag necklace before, so I decided to get him one. Get it? Jake the dog. And a dog tag necklace? Geeeet it? :p A personalized owl card, some freshly baked brownies, and a wrist strap for his iPod Nano to top it all off.

His presents for me :)

The dinner we had

If you notice, most of my gifts are food-related, LOL. He knows me best and knows I like to eat good food. He said his theme was “strawberries,” hence the choco-covered strawberries he made himself, the amazing strawberry cream croissants, and the cute card he made for me. That silly guy decided to make chocolate strawberries the night before and then the morning of Valentine’s Day he drove to get the croissants – all during the rush before an assignment he still had to work on that was due that day. Ha ha, he’s so funny. At least he managed it all in the end. 8-) He also got us matching throw blankets at my request (he was panicking about not having any ideas so I just told him :p ) – they are the softest, most comfortable throw blankets I’ve ever had! They are just the thing on late study nights or movie nights. And then he took us out to dinner. We chose a pretty awesome restaurant and in the pictures you can see how much we indulged. :p

As you can see, we try really hard to make it spectacular for the other. :p We really enjoyed ourselves. 6 years is a long time, considering that means we’ve been together since we were still teenagers (I was 17) and are now in our early twenties. But in a way, it doesn’t feel that long at all. Life flashes by before your eyes. We just have to do our best to enjoy it, and try our best to work things out.

45 ideas for dates! Perfect for both new couples and long-term couples. When you’ve been together with someone for a long time, you start to run out of ideas of things to do together. But fear not! If you guys still enjoy each other’s company, then you will find something to do together. ^_^

  1. Watch a movie – but there are many ways to watch one!
    • At home with a DVD (owned or rental)
    • At home, streaming it online
    • In the movie theaters
    • At the dollar theater
  2. Going out to eat – I personally love checking out great places on before choosing a place to try out
  3. Dine at different restaurants for every course. Drinks at one place, appetizers at another, main course at another, and dessert at another. You get to experience a lot of different places in just one night.
  4. Work on a food blog together
  5. Go to a drive-in diner – eating in the car can be a fun and intimate dining experience!
  6. Fly a kite
  7. Watch a play or a musical
  8. Have a picnic – you can buy take out or make your own food. It can be as casual or fancy as you want it to be.
  9. Go to a restaurant and only order some drinks and/or appetizers. It gives you a better chance to talk and enjoy each other & the atmosphere rather than focusing on food.
  10. Have a cooking adventure – pick out nice recipes that you’d like to work on and eat together
  11. Have a craft night – guy builds a model kit, girl makes origami…or hey, who needs to conform to society – you can reverse that if you want :p
  12. Play games together – whether it’s taboo online, video games, online games, or old-fashioned board games.
    • For the nerds out there, it’s pretty fun getting married “in-game” and working together on quests; usually married couples get extra in-game benefits.
  13. Go to the beach (take naps and build a sand castle), or a hike, or a leisurely walk
  14. Go to an amusement park – roller coaster rides, water parks, etc
  15. Visit a museum
  16. Start a new TV series, anime, or a drama together. Have a marathon with snacks!
  17. Have a double date with another couple
  18. Go to the mall or a random store to browse. Pick out clothes for each other.
  19. Go to a bookstore, pick out a handful of books, and read some at a table or couch.
    • One time my boyfriend and I picked out one of those cheesy, smutty romance novels and read it together (silently in our heads of course!) while suppressing our giggling.
  20. Go on a road trip – plan out your destination, any pit stops, pick out a playlist of music for the car
  21. Go to a pool or jacuzzi
  22. Mini-golfing and arcade
  23. Go out at a really late hour in the night – midnight or 3 am, whatever is possible & late for you – and get something that settles down those late night munchies! The fact that you’re both together and out so late makes it a memorable experience.
  24. Bowling
  25. Carnival or fair
  26. Visit aquarium or zoo
  27. Go to the grocery store to buy ingredients and cook a meal, bearing in mind that your goal is to make a fancy meal with as little money as possible. You can make it a contest to see who makes the fanciest & cheapest meal, or make it a team effort.
  28. If you both like animals, visit a pet store together to bask in cuteness and pet some furry friends.
  29. Go to a music concert
  30. Keep track of any local events to go to – like an annual garden show, or parades during the holidays, etc.
  31. If you’re of legal drinking age – go to a winery for wine tasting
  32. Go to a swap meet and look for junk that might be treasure to you. You can also choose a price limit and buy something for each other as a surprise.
  33. Go fishing – hopefully one of you is good at it…or you two can have a good laugh at how horrible the both of you are.
  34. Go thrift store hunting. Some of the stuff you’ll find can be very hilarious or horrifying!
  35. Work on a puzzle & frame it
  36. Mysterious date: Ask your partner random/ambiguous questions with two choices that are each 1 word only. Compile all of the answers for your next date! For example: Fast or slow? (Go-kart racing or mini-golfing) Hot or cold? (Hot fudge cake or cold ice cream) Green or blue? (Park or Beach) Pink or yellow? (Pink flower or yellow flower)
  37. Go to a comedy club
  38. Go on a date together – but here’s the catch – pretend that it’s the first time you’ve ever met. Or if you want to be silly and have a hilarious time, you can pretend it’s your first date but take on completely different personas and pretend to be different people. Role play! It can be dramatically serious or ridiculously hilarious.
  39. Roast some marshmallows and make some s’mores. You can do this with a little s’more maker, unscented candle, a bonfire pit in the backyard if you have one, or even on the stove if you have a gas-powered one. You can even set up a tent in the backyard or have a makeshift one made of blankets in your bedroom!
  40. Gather lots of magazines & colored ads and work on a collage together. You two can create a theme or just make it completely random.
  41. Work together on remodeling or decorating a room
  42. Hike up a hill that overlooks your city – somehow a hill overlooking the city always has romantic vibes
  43. Go to an older part of town, where it’s better to walk than drive, and there are lots of small little shops. Nice lights at night is a bonus.
  44. Take a fun class together, like a cooking class
  45. Karaoke – and if you’re over the legal drinking age, drunken karaoke :p