The below is written on my Xanga addressing my lousy friends.

“It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to
Cry if I want to, cry if I want to
You would cry too, if it happened to you”

I’d like to publically thank three people, namely Benny, Jackie, and James for actually being there for my birthday, in person and in thought. As for almost everyone else, I’d like to pulically say, SCREW YOU.

It’s about 5 AM right now and I couldn’t sleep. I keep asking myself what I did to deserve such lousy friends, and perhaps no friends at all. I think it’s the first year where I’ve had a MISERABLE birthday. The first year I couldn’t keep myself from crying. The first year I couldn’t sleep, and not because I was having fun.

I’d like you all to know, my mom spent money on pizza, garlic bread, pasta, junkfood, and lasagna on my party. Are you wondering how many people came? 3 out of 16. To think, I was stupid enough to be worried I had invited too many. We had a lot of food left over, not that that totally bothered me since I had good food for a few days. But the fact is, that money was WASTED. I’m thankful this is the first year I’ve decided NOT to have party favors. Imagine if I did have them. I can picture my pathetic self handing them out…to nobody.

No, the party wasn’t a disaster. In fact, I had a good time…with my thoughtful REAL friends. But the fact that WAY MORE than half the people didn’t think I was good enough to at least phone call, or email, or comment, or ANYTHING to tell me they weren’t coming. The fact that all these people didn’t have the time to reject my stupid ass party is just sad.

The Habbo party? Don’t make me laugh. And no, it’s not a funny laugh, it’s a pathetic feel sorry for myself laugh. Who came? Benny and James. Jackie had an excuse, she’s still going to school. As for everyone else? I don’t know. I don’t know what you’d be doing at 8 PM. And I don’t know what lives you have are so busy you can’t come drop by in an online VIRTUAL game. Was it really that difficult to log in and say hi, or happy birthday, or what’s shakin’? I’m sorry James, but it was really too depressing for me to stay and wait for you to get back from dinner.

FORGET today’s Habbo party. I’m not waiting anymore. If you come today, which is unlikely anyway, you will see nothing but an empty room.

I bet my father wouldn’t even remember my birthday unless my mother told him. Which she probably will remind him today. He got a treadmill. It’s my birthday, and he got a treadmill. It’s my birthday and my brother got me nothing. He said he’d get me something later, but it’s still pretty sad. My mom? She said she’d get me that camera…later when it’s on SALE.

So even my family is disappointing.

Oh and thanks. Thanks for you know, sending me that email, wishing me a happy birthday. Email must waste lots of time and money. Oh wait, it doesn’t and it’s free. Well then, thanks for nothing.

This week made me rethink. I don’t think I’ll ever have a party again. If I will, they will be with only my closest friends, or if I’ve made any new ones.