Today in Yearbook, Mr. Hensen called me to the choir room. I just did the scales. He said he wanted to make sure he had the right name and the right voice put together in his head and that his final decision would be done by tomorrow. I hope I make it! Well, today was a good sign. Even though it doesn’t guarantee my spot in Chamber Singers, at least he hasn’t cut me out already. -crosses fingers-

Well, it was my first time taking the SAT and I checked my scores online today. -drumroll-

Critical Reading 570 71%

Math 530 53%

Writing 560 71%

Multiple Choice 58 (score range: 20-80)

Essay 7 (score range: 2-12)

So I got a 1660. In a way I’m really happy because I at least did better than I did on my practice SAT. That time I got a 1580, which is like only 80 points above average. I’m still really close to average, but I improved. My score isn’t too bad. But if I want to be competitive and be able to go to a college of my choice, I’m going to really need to study this summer… So, I was really happy about my not bad, yet not good score. But…people started flaunting their extremely high scores. And my esteem fell. Greatly. I picked out about 15 colleges I’m intersted in. When I mentioned that to my brother, instead of being interested, he was dismayed.

“Did you talk to mom and dad about them yet?”

“Why?” I asked. “I’m going to start applying senior year…it’s not like I’m set on a school right now.”

“You should ask them what they want.”

What about what I want, I thought to myself. “Well, what matters the most is what the schools require and whether or not I can meet up to their expectations. And if they have the major I want.”

My brother has been dropping *so* many hints. I’m not stupid. They *obviously* want me to go to some school right around the corner so they can keep an eye on me. I hate it. I am so dependent…I need to grow. This is my future. I want to go to a college I am happy at.

Even if I didn’t have to deal with that whole issue, I’m worried about getting accepted.

One of my friends is having trouble with the whole “high school drama” scene. It’s a new thing for her. It’s time for her to experience it…it’s better dealing with it now than later. But, it reminded me of how mean and fickle people are. And I was reminded of how much of an outcast I feel like. I was reminded of how much I hate having to see some people every single day. I’m tired of seeing faces that bring me nothing but bad memories.

Get me out of here…