It’s a wonder I ever get any of my schoolwork done at all.
My sleeping schedule is getting worse with every day. I take a nap in the evening and I find myself awake after 1 AM.
The time I am most alert is right after I wake up. So obviously, this is the time I try my best to crack the books and hopefully finish with maybe an hour or two to go back to sleep.
And during this time, my brother has to always piss me off in some way. Somehow, he always does it. And, as pissed as I am, I really want to do my homework before my alertness wears off so I’m trying to brush him off and get him to go away. But as always, being the stubborn guy he is (though he won’t admit it), he won’t go away until we “resolve this problem.”
GET A CLUE. We’re never going to resolve anything. We’ve had arguments since I was old enough to talk! We’ve spent hours “resolving” things in the past, only to find ourselves back at square one!
If the boy wants to “resolve” things, fine. Do it another time. But right now, I seriously am trying my best to do well in school to go to college, to honor both my parents and myself. And hell, HOW am I supposed to concentrate NOW, now that he finally left with “fine, don’t talk to me for a month.” I’m FULL of frustration and the combination of stress and frustration has led me to TEARS. I AM FUCKING SICK OF IT. I hate school. It’s hard enough to have the will power to stay up all night to do this crap.
He may think I’m a “brat” but what am I doing this for? I don’t have to care. I don’t even have to be awake right now. But I’ve always wanted to do well in school for my family. I’m fucking sick of it. I hate it. I wish there were a solution. More than ever I wish I could just walk out of this house, and find somewhere happy to go to. Ha. What a fucking dream.