Because of the quarantine in place, I’ve had a lot of time to myself in the house and decided to do a lot of cleaning. That included my bookshelf, which has a lot of books, knickknacks, sentimental items on display. One of the cute display boxes was a gift from Mart; inside was a purple octopus plushy he had made by hand and a little note for our 8 year anniversary.

Happy 8th year anniversary! Feb 14 2015. Happy Valentine’s Day <3

I can’t think of a better way to explain my love for you other than through this octopus plushy. Months ago, as I brainstormed of what to get you for our anniversary, the 1st thing that came to mind was an octopus. I envisioned the cutest octopus plushy ever but translating that into reality was a much harder task than I imagined. I made my 1st prototype but it turned out pretty bad lol. I used a running stitch w/ thin thread but it didn’t hold the body well enough. The body was basically deformed :( I made too many mistakes and had to start over. I then discovered the almighty blanket stitch and started on my second prototype. I used thicker thread and evenly spaced out my stitching. But it still wasn’t perfect. But I persevered and continued to perfect and practice on my blanket stitching. I used a thicker thread and cleaned my spacing even more. My final prototype was ready. The entire time I was making my octopus, I was smiling and laughing every time I did something right. I even exlaimed at one point, “Grandma’s got nothing on my stitching!” I poured my heart and soul into every stitch just like in our relationship. And even though I made many mistakes, I did my best to fix and continued to improve. The final product is still kinda rough around the edges but the love it represents, through its 8 tiny, cute, little tentacles is undeniable. As I made this plushy, I thoguht of our old memories together and new ones we will make in the future. There’s no other companion I want other than you, Kimmy. I love you so muc hand I’m willing to dedicate my life to making you happy. You mean that much to me. Happy 8 year anniversary sweetheart.

Reading that note didn’t make me cry or feel so broken I used to be. I still felt sad, remembering the love we had for each other, and how it wasn’t enough for us to be together nor for us to be right for each other. But, I am not broken anymore. I think that is such a huge breakthrough and I’ve come so far, considering how utterly deep down into the abyss I was when it all started falling apart. I have gotten rid of many mementos but I do still keep a select few. When I do look at them on occasion, the feeling of hopelessness becomes replaced with a dull ache of sadness yet gratefulness for the happy memories in our young lives. It’s such a cliche saying but what they say really is true. Time does heal.

I never would have imagined that I would be living during a worldwide pandemic that’s affecting all of us to such an insane extent. It’s new and it’s scary.

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